On Tuesday 22nd August 2017 Ian and I took Lennon on his last journey and said our final farewells to our cheeky, thrill seeking, courageous little soldier ❤️
I thought my heart couldn’t break any further, but when the hearse arrived at Keech and the funeral attendants placed his small, white coffin in the back, alongside a beautiful red rose ‘Lennon’ the pieces of my heart shattered again. My whole body felt so heavy. I honestly did not think I would be able to make it through the day. It was most definitely the second hardest day of my life.
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hadn’t really seen many people or been out much since Lennon died and having to face all those people and paint on a face was so tough, when all I really wanted to do was go home, get into my bed and sob.
I really, really hope that we both did our only son proud. Ian was amazing (he wrote and read out a eulogy of Lennon’s short, but hectic, fulfilled life) and I’m super proud of him. And despite Isla being heartbroken and not wanting to go into the Crematorium, both my girls were equally amazing to get through the service 💗
We played the song that Lennon loved from his favourite TV show ‘Yo Gabba Gabba’ – Rainbow Connection by Paul Williams.
Florence was her typical self and sung all the words at the top of her voice.
I hadn’t noticed how many people had come to say their goodbyes to our little soldier. The funeral director felt their was roughly 250 people there – Truly amazing considering Lennon was just 10 years old and had never spoken a word to anyone in his life!
Three lakes, Westmill Farm, ended up being the perfect venue, and the balloon release was simply stunning. The view from the top of the hill, over the lakes is breathtaking. And it was a beautiful moment to see all those balloons flying up to Lennon – including Isla and Florence’s special BIG red balloon which I think broke through the clouds!
Ian now wants to us to get married at Three Lakes, after we cancelled our wedding that was due to take place on September 16th.
We also set up a Memorial page for Lennon, so that people can share photos, stories and memories of Lennon.
I don’t feel any different now Lennon’s funeral is over. In fact, if I think about it, I actually feel worse. It is final now. The missing piece in my puzzle is gone forever, I will never find a piece even remotely similar to fill that big empty void, and these last few weeks are not a horrific dream that I will one day wake up from.
My little sidekick is gone forever.
Life moves on – it has to, that is what life does.
But I cannot see how my life can possibly carry on. My head is fuzzy and my eyes permanently full of tears and I can not begin to imagine life without Lennon.
The thought of going back to work scares me, but I know that I will have to – to do what, who knows.
For now it’s one day at a time. I won’t think about tomorrow or next week, because mentally I can’t.
